Seasoning this mundane, humdrum existence with food, travel, and the written word.

As I lay here alone The pillow soaked in tears of my tales Gentle reminders of everything that could've been Of everything that made me feel like a woman Of You. Of all the No-More's. No rib-crushing embraces No warm breaths on my neck No steady heartbeat against my back No soft sighs caressing my cheek No evil tickling schemes No weight of butterflies in my tummy No proof of your hard kisses on my lips No entangled sheets smelling of you No quivering fingers tracing my skin No cheeky smiles. No honey soaked grins. Oops! there goes gravity! Bringing me to my knees As reality crashes the party. Silence. Echoing off the walls of my heart I get up to wet my parched throat while my other half still lays there Bleeding, waiting for you If only it were mine If only, you were mine.

He wasn't grounded. He wasn't real. And it WAS all a dream. *sighs* You sold dreams for a living, and I was desperately looking for one. I bought it with my soul, made a deal with the darkness. The price I had to pay.  I wonder as I walk, do you think of me?  These streets of forever, desires in the eyes I see But not the desire I wish from you, for me I wander alone now, ever the huntress Incapable of stopping the beast I have become In this mortal wasteland With its boring expectations, and silly needs Not met by kindred seductions. Never did I believe, I would end up this way Each day hungering for your touch. Is fate a cruel prankster, with an unfunny joke? There is no light here, no smile, no embrace I come out each day to face reality, and it bites and tears at my flesh. Lost in silent blood red rages, Kiss me, Kill me..All the same to me! I make love to my dagger,  As it seeks out my insanity I chuckle at the pain...

When you open yourself up to someone, the possibility of something new-you open yourself up to the good and the bad. You put yourself at the risk of heartache, pain, disappointment-but unless you are willing to embrace these, you cannot willingly give yourself to someone completely! To enjoy the good, you've got to equally embrace the bad. You've to let yourself be vulnerable, let yourself be seen, heard and known. Yes, this also opens you to judgment and disappointment, which can be terrifying, but the alternative of feeling nothing..of being NUMB is a lot worse.  I've always been the kinda girl that wallows after a bad breakup or a heartache, I choose not to numb these emotions and instead give in to them. I write, I eat, I sleep, I watch movies in my jammies, I disconnect myself from the world..and give myself time to heal. There's nothing wrong with that. Once I'm done wallowing, I come out of it much stronger and ready to face the next big thing. An...

You and I, the strangers that we are Meet here in the shadows Between light and the dark You, of the lands afar  speak in tongues foreign to me I, child of darkness carry the scars of my tales I make love to my dagger while you ride swiftly in the wind You and I, the strangers that we are still seek the shores of the promise land paths we took, as different as they are our hands rise up in unison to reach for the star No longing remains unfulfilled No craving is left undesired The devil himself died on that day Perhaps the sea's definition of a shell is the pearl Perhaps time's definition of coal is a diamond Perhaps My definition of Love is You. Now tell me, how can you separate thyself from Me?

Today is the DAY! Of epiphanies on the can.. Of new beginnings. Of fresh starts. Of chocolate cakes. Of mcflurries. Of lollipops, oh how i missed thee! :D I feel like myself, again! I feel like I took the wrong detour and wandered aimlessly, frustrated and lost. I've found my way back and oh-dear-lord, it feels SO good to be back :) I certainly hated being the tragic queen. It just ain't my style, mister!  So, to celebrate my return from the dungeons and my victory over the dragons-lets pop open the booze, turn on the music, do the tango! ...Is that all there is? If thats all there is, my love-then lets keep dancing...:)  "The saga of the huntress the reign of the ice princess Came to an end. The huntress who hungered For so much more, Finally comes home. To rest herself peacefully, In the arms of her beloved."

There's good days, there's BAD days and then there's BLEH days (which could go either way with the slighest of pushes). Yesterday was one of those BLEH days... And so far, today has been a BAD day! I had a dream about him last night. *Sighs deeply* Dream of holding him again, of being held in his arms again. Of his gentle kisses and wispy touches. Of his sweet-nothings in my ear, Of his deep sighs squeezing my insides. Of him wanting me passionately again, Of US entangled in silken sheets... Just when you think you are OKAY, you end up right where you began. Circle of Pain!  So, I began to wonder..Has he really changed? In my mind's eye, YES! In reality, probably not!  All I know is the memory of him in my mind is in constant battle with his reality. When people wake up, they really wake up-don't they? Not a moment of stagger! Just bolt upright and straight, like IT *never* existed! They walk away from you so callously, without so much as a second lo...

Today. was. a. GOOD. day I normally wouldn't mention such a trivial thing, but considering the roller coaster of these past few weeks-its a welcome change! :)  Letting go...is happening! Slowly, but steadily! Not easy, but doable! And the memories are slowly beginning to blur at the edges. But here's the thing, when I started this whole process of letting go-the intention was to hold onto the person, not the memories! I still want to hold onto the person, yes, but just not in the same way as before. Maybe that IS the whole process of moving on. And sometimes that moving on helps you realize what place this person holds in your life. And how far you are willing to go to keep them in your life... ...Talking to them doesn't hurt as much anymore. It doesn't bring back a gush of overwhelming emotions. You don't browse through their pictures a million times trying to memorize every curve of their face. Your heart doesn't skip a beat like it used to...

Hello there, stranger!         There's so many things I'd like to tell you tonight, but words fail me..as always!   I stay up all night, stalking you! I see that you have changed, I see you smiling as you turn that alley.  You don't sense my presence, but obviously! I cringe and fade into the shadows. Did I think this day would come? Sure.  I knew hearts break, they shatter..but did it have to be you? I vow to be strong. Like I've been in the past, but heartbreak never brings with it courage. No, they never were compatible. *A single tear rolls down her cheek, she doesn't even reach to stop it* ...A feeling of dread She wakes up in a cold sweat A moment of blur, her breathing shallow Suddenly, she feels a body next to hers His protective arm around her waist His steady heartbeat bringing her comfort She shuts her eyes tightly for a minute A tiny sigh escapes her ruby lips "It was just a nightmare.." Sh...

"I know now we must part  I of darkness  you of light  love can't end the eternal fight  what she is, she cannot change  I go on as I have always been  and you travel your own road  it was a beautiful trip we took  in the shadows where we met so when you walk through darkness  and you feel the caress of starlight  know that it was the one  as she reaches through the shadows  into the only spot she can touch." I close my eyes and your face won't fade away. Should I keep trying? Should I keep fighting? Or let you haunt my days? I keep your memory locked inside-the thoughts...its overwhelming, no where to run, no place to hide, resistance in me failing. And though we said goodbye, at night in my skin you are crawling; your eyes, your lips, your hands on me, crazy! I just keep on falling, forget it, I said too much already...but I still can taste your mouth... "The huntress who hungers...

Music. Dead. For. Now. The past couple of days have truly been the quietest days of my Life. Period. No rhyme, No reason...No song, No lyrics! Just DEAD silence *sound of a pin-dropping reverberates around the room*    For someone who plays some form of music constantly on her speakers/ipod, through all hours of the day/night-sadly....*LUBBY DUBBY LUBBY DUBBY* [heart pounding in my chest, only sound in my life right now]   Its a GOOD sound, don't get me wrong-A VERY good sound that reminds me that I'm (a)live, barely! But brings absolutely no comfort to me at all.     So, for now..I'll just remind myself to get out of bed, breathe in and out-ask my heart to pump blood in and out...Life Continues, *Living* is ON HOLD...for now!  P.S. To the racing thoughts in my head *please give it a rest, there's only so-much I can take* P.P.S. To the overwhelming emotions racing through my veins *CALMMMM...down, you are giving ...